Am I Listening for God - Part II

I don't know sometimes if I hear him or myself in my head.  I wonder if He's speaking to me or am I trying to speak to myself mimicking the words I think He would speak to me.

I was pumping gas at a Shell Station a few months ago and I saw an older man sitting just outside the door of the gas station.  I thought, no, please don't ask me for anything.  For some reason, HE STOOD OUT.  I saw people pumping gas and going in and out of the store, but this one figure stood out to me.  His appearance was a bit unnerving.  He wore tattered clothes, had an overgrown beard, and had a worn out bag that he was using as a cushion to sit on as he sat just outside the door of the gas station.

I would not make eye contact as I walked in the store.  I refused to acknowledge he was there.  I was like  - I don't have any money to give this man.  My hours have been cut at work and I cannot help you dude.  I thought, I'll just keep walking and pretend I don't see you.  (That's another story)

I went into the store and because we were on a road trip, I was getting junk food for the car.  I kept thinking, did God send this stranger for me to help?  Then, I had a flashback of Beth Moore speaking of her experience with God, an older gentleman, and a hair brush.  I was sure this would be an experience I wasn't quite ready for the challenge!  On the other hand, I kept thinking, am I ignoring the LORD?  I wasn't sure and it stayed with me as I shopped.  I couldn't decide what to buy because I was concerned that I was missing out on something that my Lord had for me - Jennifer.

I continued to have my doubts and one of my immediate thoughts was, I cannot give him a ride either.  He's a stranger and I really don't feel like I can do anything to help him.  Isn't that how we think?  We believe in the very core of our being that we cannot help someone, making decisions in our heads before even speaking to a person, not even having a conversation.  On the other hand, I also kept thinking, God doesn't leave us ill prepared and I shouldn't be so freaked out about meeting a stranger. 

I did it again a few weeks later.  I was asked to join a Bible Study and I immediately said I was in a group already and that we're doing that same study.  I barely gave this sweet woman a chance to explain or give me information, I stopped it all right there or so I thought.  I have this thought that I don't want to add more people in my circle.  I can trust My Bible Study Girls and no one else. 

In both instances, my thoughts took me to another place as I walked away.  Did I just do what I did?  Did I ignore God or am I making this situation at this moment bigger than what it's really supposed to be?  Are we missing out on blessings, opportunities to share God with others?  Does anyone else think they're missing out on opportunities to share?  Are we holding back?  I have to ask myself, does someone want to add me to their circle?  Does God want me to be part of someone else's group?  I am sure He does want me to expand my wings just a bit.  I don't know and won't know if I stay in my small group, fearing the unknown.

As I've grown in  my spiritual journey, I've realized that sharing Him isn't always that awesome Bible verse that someone needs just at that moment.  I've  realized I don't have to bake the cakes, cook the green beans, or even sing the most spiritually moving song.  I am actually not skilled in any of these areas.  I know those things are great and special for others, just not me.  I've beat myself up enough over the years because of what I thought I lacked.

I finally see that we can all share God with a smile, a simple hello, a hug, or even a kind word.  In turn, we are truly blessed by participating!  I cannot count the number of times I've been blessed by just being who I am in Him at just that right moment.  I can be talking to someone about God and I am hit with chills, the good kind.  I am filled with joy. 

I am now one of those people.  It just fills me up!

Gas Station - I decided that I was making it bigger than it was supposed to be and I relaxed.  I walked out of the store and I looked at the older gentleman sitting on his bag just outside the gas station.  I looked him in the eyes, as I was taught to do, and I said hello.  I was nervous, my stomach in knots, sweat dripping down my back, and a grip on my kid as I spoke.   He smiled big, his eyes sparkling in the bright sun light and he said hello.  I asked how he was doing and he said fine and asked about me.  I was walking and talking, okay I was speed walking to my car.  He continued to talk though, gently, softly.  He said my baby was getting big and before I blinked, would be even bigger!  I smiled and agreed.  No worries, he was saying hello.  He watched us walk away.  I could just feel it and when I sat in my car, I looked him square in the eyes again and I smiled.  He smiled too.

                                                                                                         **JourneywithJennifer**

And the LORD came and called as before, "Samuel!   Samuel!"   And Samuel replied "Speak, your servant is listening." (1 Samuel 3:10 NLT)