Thursday, May 24, 2012

Keeping it all together!

Wow!  This last month has been super busy.  We've had something going on every week and I am doing my best to manage.  Between graduations, recitals, spring concerts, a beautiful wedding, school programs, training classes at work, potluck, and conferences - I am tapped out!  Just a little stressed trying to get it all in..  I want to eat healthy but it's hard when you don't have enough time or in some cases you just don't take the time to accomplish everything required.  I am not giving up, just thinking.  I don't know how to keep this up some days.  I feel like eating something that's good - M&Ms, Pizza, anything milk chocolate...Yum!

About three years ago I decided to eat chocolate often.  Not because I didn't have any other options, but because it's what I wanted.  As time went by, I continued to eat chocolate.  Anytime a life altering event occurred, I wanted chocolate even more.  It had gotten to the point where I reached for my comfort foods - cheese and chocolate every single day.  The year 2011 became the "I'll just eat chocolate no matter what" year replacing one chocolate brand for another.  I am not sure why I was doing this to myself, but figured out the hard way that it wasn't good for me. 

Although my thoughts have changed, I have to ask myself why good food for me is chocolate or cheese.  I just love it!  I can smell it and taste it!  A coworker brought in 5 Guys french fries and a burger last week.  I could smell that thing from across the room!  I mean my nose literally searched every cubicle until I found that cheeseburger!  It's like my sense of smell for foods that I've been avoiding has gone crazy over the last few months!  We made treat sacs filled with chocolate for my kid's teachers and the smell of milk chocolate took me back to the good old days.  Amazing what smell can do for ya!

Chocolate is great in moderation, but for a 5"2 woman, it's NOT an everyday choice!  Because of my weight gain, cholesterol, elevated blood sugar, and not to mention genetics; I realized I wasn't doing a great job taking care of myself at all.  I felt like if I could eat those foods all day long, I would be so -----.  I don't even know what word to use because it really wasn't doing a whole lot for me.  It's like yelling at someone and feeling bad afterwards.  There's no satisfaction as much as you thought there would be when you started...  I will say that was the old me.  Although the thought is there; it's not my style anymore.  As much as I want to indulge I really don't want to indulge.  It is true that once you go through 21 days with or without something you feel strongly about accomplishing or changing, you will make a difference in your life!  I refuse to let food be my reason for living...I will always choose to eat to live!

I need my Lord, my Savior's help!  I've slacked off on my prayers for myself over the last few weeks because through the help of my sisters and brothers in Christ, so much of what I needed had been answered.  I do know I cannot do this alone.  The fact that I am sitting here writing about my experience, holding my self accountable isn't enough.  It's through Him that I am able to succeed in life.  If I could just remember that every second of every day, I could accomplish so much more.  I will lift my eyes to Him and ask for grace and mercy as I go forward.

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say on the Lord. (Psalm 27:14 KJV)

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