Saturday, April 28, 2012
Everytime I see one of you reach a new milestone, I am encouraged. Whenever I see you reach out to others, I know that I am blessed. Each day that you get through a minute or second of grief, my heart melts. Anytime you walk away from a toxic relationship, I am stronger. When you show illness who's child you really are, my soul sings. My spirit absolutely tingles from head to toe! Whenever you smile - I see Jesus. I know that I am truly blessed to know you and to be called your family, your friend. You are fabulous and I try my best to tell you or show you every chance I get because You are all AWESOME and I love you!
I am using myfitnesspal to monitor my food intake during the week, but not on weekends. I am starting to think journaling on weekends would be helpful too. I don't know that I am eating enough because for a few days I ate fewer calories than the 1200 allotted to meet my fitness goals. Oh yes, I guess I forgot that I was only allotted 1200 calories a day! What a suprise for me because I never thought I would make it on 1200 calories. I thought I would just melt away....
I didn't melt away...... and I realize now that I was planning things out when I started off. I would make sure I had enough fruit, yogurt, granola, salad, etc. I would also plan out days to exercise and stick to my plan. Now that I am not planning as much, I am eating less. I am finding that the less I eat, the hungrier I am. I then end up eating BE&C biscuits because they are cheap and convenient. Everything is about convenience.
Speaking of convenience, for parents with school age children, the year is starting to wind down. We now have school programs, church concerts, spring shows, playoffs, tournaments, recitals, etc. Our schedules are even more hectic than a month ago. If we're not careful, we can quickly find ourselves in our old patterns of putting our families ahead of ourselves. This would be in the form of skipping exercise dates, forgetting to eat meals, conveniently going through a fast food restaurant's drive-thru. That's what I am doing. I am so concerned with my family's schedule, that I am no longer concerned with myself. I should be concerned about our diets, not just my own.
Speaking of my own - My Family and Friends are great! Thanks to everyone for the support you've given over the last 6 weeks. It has been a journey, one that I am finding is even greater than I expected. I am learning and that's a gift! I am looking forward to the next 6 weeks, no matter the challenge or reward.
Love - It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:7-8a)
Saturday, April 21, 2012
When I started my healthy lifestyle journey, I decided that I would find healthier foods that I really like and eat those foods. I thought that would be easier than having shakes, frozen dinners, any type of bar - cereal, granola, special k - WHATEVER. I have successfully lost weight over the years eating shakes, bars, and frozen dinners. The problem, and there is a problem, is I would gain it back because I wasn't happy eating those foods. I would return to my comfort foods and over indulge on a weekly basis. To jump start my journey, I entered a weight loss competition at work.... We weigh in every Tuesday morning and this week was a kicker..... Drum roll please - I ended up GAINING 2 1/2 lbs. To say I was disappointed, is like saying taking a band aid off quickly really doesn't hurt..... It does! It seemed like I had gotten away with having a small bite of this or that, which turned into several bites over several days, when in reality, I didn't get away with anything at all. I was on my way, and a few small slips cost more than I want to admit. It's so true - old habits are hard to break. I started with the two-bite brownies, and then moved on to the chocolate chip cookies. Cyndee had to talk me down from a chocolate chip dip she brought in to work on Thursday, but no one could talk me down when it came to chocolate chip pound cake. It was the best cake! I cannot stop talking about how much I enjoyed that slice of cake. I don't know if it's because I am truly obsessed with chocolate or that it's been a while since I really and truly enjoyed chocolate! I would say it's both if I had to choose. I can see the pattern returning...It's slow, but it's there.
On Friday, I had salad for lunch. One of my new favs - Baby Spinach in a Spring Mix, Hillshire Farms Cracked Black Pepper Turkey Breast, and a touch of Naturally Fresh's Classic Ranch salad dressing. It was delicious and filling, but after finishing my lunch, I felt like I had to have something sweet. Someone can relate to that feeling of sweet after salt or even sweet with the salt. Chocolate chip cookies, Doritos, with a coke anyone, anyone??? I was craving Famous Amos Chocolate Chip Cookies! I was hurt and frustrated. I had gotten past this point or I thought I had. I would eat fruit or yogurt with my lunch or dinner and wouldn't have cravings. Once I recognized the craving and the possible result of my giving in to my craving, and more importantly, returning to my old patterns, I ended up with peanuts.
I recognize the pattern and I truly want to change! Today I am reminded of Romans 12:2 - Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I weighed in at work on Tuesday and I had lost a 1/2 1b. I was disappointed and felt like, "Hey, I can do better". But I realized there was no point in complaining or even feeling less than blessed because I'd made progress despite my weekend of eating sweets. I actually fell victim to red velvet cake, chocolate chip cookies, and the two bite brownies from last Friday! I don't know that victims the correct word here, but I feel like one today and I am going to go with that...
It all started Friday night. We decided to have Family Nite - which means pizza, two bite brownies, soda, chip and dip and at least three movies. Well, I decided that pizza was not going to happen and we ended up eating sandwiches and chips topped off with the two bite brownies. Well I only had a few and ended up with a few more Saturday night. I then baked cookies on Sunday and decided, what could it hurt. I mean, I really thought that I had made it through without having to acutally accept the reality of my eating foods that I had sworn off. And yes, 4 weeks ago I decided that I wouldn't eat the cookies, cakes, brownies, etc. I had been doing great up until this point, so why not take a chance now. Take a bite, get some chocolate, endulge............WRONG!
I was so happy spending time with family and friends and celebrating Easter that I let go and went all out. To some people, this may not sound like much, but for me, it's a lot. I had spent the last three weeks eating salads, baked chicken, yogurt with granola, fruit, drinking water, etc. I wasn't letting up and finally, I gave an inch and took a mile. That's mighty cliche of me to say and well, it cost me - I weighed myself Wednesday morning and again today and I had gained 1 1/2 lbs. All I could do is deny the great weekend I'd had enjoying my favorite foods. I am praying that it was great because of Jesus and not because of the foods I ate. Lord, help me.
Even though I've decided to call myself a victim, I am really glad that I learned this lesson early on in this contest and more importantly this journey. I need to stick to my regime. If this were 10 or even 5 years ago, the sweets wouldn't have hurt so much. I would have been able to squeak by with the 1/2 lb loss and no gains. But this is what 38 looks like and I need to face the reality of the situation I am in today. I need to eat healthy every day. I need to add additional days to my exercise routine and I need to add time. I need to go to bed at a decent hour. I need to accept the fact that if I am going to eat foods that aren't healthy or a better way to put this would be to say foods that don't really help my current sitution, I can expect results that don't make me happy.
Today a coworker I turn to when I have any question about anything asked if it was that time of the month for me when I said that I had gained weight. I said no, but as I write this post, I realize that last week was. I should say thanks because apparaently it took a few days to catch up with me. On the other hand, I am thinking - Am I really going to use this as a copout? I think what this really means is that during that time, you may retain a little bit more and that would be a reason for the weight gain. I want to whine and say it was that time of the month for me and that's what made me do what I did. I can say that it's not true. At least not this time. I typically eat the sweets the week prior to the time of the month for me. I also eat chocolate or something close to it every day. I will be sure to pay closer attention next month and maybe just maybe, I'll find that if I stick to my goals it will be okay.
I cannot bury the truth of the habits I've developed over the years, but I can face reality. I can definitely turn to my Lord and Savior and just pray.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Wow! So far my day has been absolutely wonderful. Our Pastor wrapped up a series - Set Free. It was a great sermon reminding us all of the wonderful gift God gave us in His Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. As I reflect on this great life we live, I am reminded of God's love for us.
My Dear, Heavenly Father, I Thank You. Today and everyday, I am set free by the one who taught me to believe. He is the One who knows me and encourages me to just be. I am in awe of knowing that I am loved for me and only me by my Father, the King of Kings. Lord, you defeated the grave so that I might be saved. I want to know everything about You; serve and honor You; tell the world about You. Jesus, the one who paid the price and made the sacrifice giving me a new life. Comforter, Healer, All Mighty Powerful God, Thank You for my soul has been redeemed!
Saturday, April 7, 2012
This has been an incredible week. I have lost a total of about 6 lbs. I am proud of myself. I worked out a total of 4 times this week – combination of aerobics, walking, and ZUMBA. Go Me! I guess it’s safe to say that I am struggling and that’s where I know I need God’s help. I am at a point where I am starting to see results. And because I see results, I am getting a little nervous. I always seem to find a way out! I don’t understand why, but I feel like I sabotage myself, like I really don’t want what I say I want. I know that this is the right thing to do, to do my very best, giving my all to better myself. I just don’t know that I am ready for all that comes along with this lifestyle. When you’re in great shape, people notice and you can end up with lots of attention. At times, it’s uncomfortable. I like some attention, just not attention regarding my body and how much I weigh. Whether you’re big or small, bigger or smaller, people have something to say and it can be interpreted in different ways. When you gain weight people say “you look good with some weight on you” or “I cannot believe you’ve gotten so big” or “what happened” or “slow down” or “back away from the buffet table”. If you’re smaller it’s always “you’re starting to look too small” or “you look good with some weight on you” or “you’re beautiful”. It would be nice to know that your looks aren’t tied to a number on a scale. One thing life has taught me is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there’s beauty in everyone.
I must admit that a big reason for my struggle is that I have a hard time turning down those chocolate candies, cookies, brownies and even ice cream. I have an even harder time turning down cake from Publix. This was definitely my week to step outside of my newfound comfort of healthier foods and return to some of my old foods. No, not the peanut M&Ms or the Famous Amos cookies, I returned to chocolate in general. I had two small cups of chocolate Blue Bell ice cream this week and four of those lovely two-bite brownies from Publix. No, I didn’t buy them for me, but I did buy them for my family. You see it’s hard to deprive your family when family hasn’t done anything wrong. The problem comes in when I end up eating the food to avoid waste because the family only wants and needs a little bit of that comfort food. I need a lot…… So I must admit that I didn’t pray like I feel I needed to in this situation. I think that God is calling me because he knows that I am definitely treading lightly and could easily end up back on the same track as before – no boundaries or concerns for my health. I’d end up in a place of mindless eating with no true value at all. I want and need to value myself and my family to not only live longer, but live a healthy and happy life while I am here. You see being on meds is just not a fun thing. Don’t get me wrong; when it’s required, it’s required. It’s just in this case, if I can do something to get myself one step further away from requiring meds, then that’s what I need to do. I want to put down the Crestor for good this time. This week I am more determined than ever to read and study my bible. This helps me not only focus on what’s important – all of eternity versus the here and now love affair I have with food – but to know who is and always will be my first true love – Jesus. God loves us! I hope Easter Sunday finds us all at Church, whether at home with families, at a worship service, or on the web. Happy Easter! God Bless Us All!