Monday, June 25, 2012


My friend Shannon and I are in a Bible Study - Do You Think I am Beautiful by Angela Thomas.  I wasn't sure of what to expect when we first started.  I wasn't sure if it would be about external beauty or if it would be about what's inside of you, me.  As I read each day, I find that it's more about the real me, inside.  It's about the me who's loved by Him and only in the way that He can love me.

I am convinced that there is beauty in this life, even when there is darkness.  I realize that the Lord has given us the ultimate light - Jesus.  So when I think of sad times, dark times, I remember the light.  When I feel like I am not beautiful, which is when I am tired and a tiny, tiny bit mean, I think of the light.  When the world hands me my share of troubles, I remember the light. 

Life has taught me that it all gets better with time... He loves me!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Thinking of Chocolate

The Lord is my shephard, I shall not want (Psalm 23:1).

I am thinking of something chocolate.. NOT SURE WHY!  I was thinking I didn't have any chocolate, but I did have a chocolate chip cookie with lunch yesterday.  Every time I think I have moved past a challenge, it comes around again.  I can only think to ask the Lord to give me strength to let this go...

I am trying a new thing... Praying when I want something that I don't need.  I don't want what I don't need.  Food is for nourishment and not pleasure.  I know - enjoying food is not wrong - I agree.. When it becomes more important to live to eat than eat to live, then it's a problem.  I may just be a little dramatic right now!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

starting again!

This week we started another Biggest Loser Contest at work!  I am anticipating the endless possiblities of weight loss and I am also anticipating the burden!

I feel like being a part of a contest is setting me up for a loss. Not in the form of weight loss, but in the form of pressure to compete with others.  I didn't gain or lose this week, but it doesn't mean that next week won't bring those pounds back to me because I decided to take a week off.  I am not sure of much about my weight loss goal, but I do like..........

1. Shopping for clothes in my closet.  I didn't get back to 140 pounds, but I did get back into my size 8 pants.  I am loving wearing something different... I wore the same four pairs of pants for several months because I refused to buy another size.  My clothes were a little tight, but it feels good not having clothes that don't fit me anymore because they're too big!

2. Eating less! Eating more fruits, veggies, and protein.  I am not all about fried food anymore.  I am loving my salads and the variety offered.  A nice green salad with sandwich meat, trail mix (raisins, almonds, cashews, and sunflower seed kernels, and pineapples) makes up a mean salad.  I only need a teaspoon of salad dressing, which is not even a full serving.

3. Being able to bend over to tie my shoe laces and not feeling that awful pain in my gut!

4. Feeling like I've met a goal and am half way through my journey!  I haven't felt like I've accomplished much in years in terms of physical fitness.  I've had a long two years of surgeries and feel like my time is now!

5.  Getting back to the FIRM workout videos!  The wait is over.  I start my cardio overdrive next week!

I listed five things that really have me going... I am now going to take that 1 burden to the Lord.  He says I can cast all my cares on Him. He will take care of me and answer my prayers...I will not let the contest become a burden.  This will be my time to practice what I preach and do something valuable with what I've learned about me and my healthy lifestyle journey.  Not because of me, but because of Him and all that He gives me!

In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence (Ephesians 3:12 NIV).

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Happy Father's Day!

Dear Daddy!

I am thinking of you today like most days.  It's hard living without you....

You are in my heart and my love for you is still strong.  If ever there was a time when I wanted most to talk, it's these days.  I miss my mentor who taught me so much about Christ.  We're studying the Book of Acts, written by Luke at church this season.  I know how much you loved reading books by the Apostle Paul.  A great story found in the Book of Acts is of Saul becoming Paul!  Something so great about the Bible is learning something new all over again.

It's tough and it's been so amazing living here knowing you've gone on.  It's like the world is a different place because I don't see your face.  It's like the world stopped turning and started again.  It's like the breeze that you never want to stop because it's sooo hot outside.  Can I stop the tears, can I end the fears?  The fear of longing, to talk to you and get a hug from you.  If I could have just one more day, even an hour just to sit with you....

I want to say that I am happy.  I want to say that my family goes to church every Sunday.  I want to say that we love the Lord.  I want to say that we love Bible Study.  I want to say that we pray together everyday.  I want to say that we have our plan, our mission from God.  It's simple - Just know Him.  We learned that from you.  Reading the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey and Discovering God's Purpose for Your Life by Beth Moore helped us in that we're able to focus on our purpose in life and move through life knowing our purpose lies in Him.

I think of you when I am outside in the rain.  Everytime my baby wants to be picked up, I think of you.  I remember wanting to touch the sky and you picking me up to get there.  I drive on the right side of the road on the Interstate.  I try not to worry as much because you always said not to...

One day, we'll be together again.  We'll laugh, play, sing, dance, and talk about what I know....

Love You,


He will wipe every team from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. (Revelation 21:4 NIV)

Sunday, June 10, 2012

A number on the scale

Wow!  Our Biggest Loser Contest ended this past week and I cannot believe three months have gone by already.  I am excited to say that it was a great acomplishment for me and the start of an awesome journey.  This contest gave me the courage to write, to blog.  It also gave me the opportunity to look at my life and really see me.  What am I doing is the question I ask every time I start to write.  Sometimes it feels like I am on top of the world and at others, it feels like there's so much more I can be doing each day.  I must say that I started out not really sure of what to do or how to approach losing weight.  I had gone down this road a few times and each time a different approach was taken, always reaching the goal..  I must say that I realized that it's a journey and not something to be taken lightly or accomplished easily.  Because even though I made it to where I wanted to be, I never stayed there.  That leads to a truth - I haven't accomplished my true goal  - to really be true to me. 

My life isn't about the number on the scale, it's about who I am on the inside.  It's about God's purpose and plan for my life.  I know that plan includes being a vessel through which he can use me as a member of His Family to accomplish His plan for us.  His plan, which is greater than I could ever imagine, is what I seek.  So as much as I want to say this is about me, I have to say it's even bigger.  My God has given me so much in life and he wants me to give even more.  To do so, I must be at my very best.  Me + Healthy Foods + Exercise+ Active participation in my Faith = Better You and Better Me. 

Oh yeah, the contest. ...I think we all learned to live healthier lives.  We exercised, ate healthy foods, and we lost well over a hundred pounds.  One day, one bite, one pound, one size and one step at a time.

Praise God!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV)

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Me and My Foods!

I am trying to figure out what happened to me and why I am so limited with food.  My kid hates veggies and will tell you - often!  I would love to say that it's not my fault becaue my parents were never limited in what they ate, just me.  And sometimes it's true that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  I just never liked anything!  I would eat hot dogs for dinner at Thanksgiving because I was such a baby! (Thanks, Ma)

I have tried the majority of vegetables and fruits, I just don't like a whole lot.  I feel like it has hurt me in my weight loss journey and life in general.  I've gained weight over the years due to my not eating consistently from the major food groups.  I can honestly say the number of frutis and vegetables I've had over the last twenty years is less than the recommended servings per day.   I think at this point, I just have to accept who I am when it comes to food and not worry about why I don't want to eat brussel sprouts.  It's just not me and I have to get beyond the woe is me phase.  I know I am lacking in variety and at the end of the day, I need to just eat and stop worrying so much.  I can still make great choices, even with my limits!

I have found that I like squash and zuchinni thanks to Kabuki - Japanese Steak House.  I love the vegetables from the Hibachi grill.  I really love the fried rice...hmm sounds like a plan for lunch.  I have two friends who gave me great recipes for spicing up my home menu.  Several times I've tried to saute veggies with olive oil.  YUCK!  I never seemed to get things right so I gave up.  A few months ago a friend told me that his wife bakes their veggies.  It sounded simple and it worked!  I really enjoyed my squash and zuchinni.  I have since been able to make a casserole dish thanks to my friend Amanda.  My kid still won't budge, hates it, but that's okay.  One day...

I always thought that I would be okay eating whatever, whenever I like.  I don't know why I didn't think it would catch up with me.  I remember eating pizza, burgers, fries, candy, chips...etc.  I remember thinking that I don't really care how much I am eating this food or how much I weigh.  I have found that I do care.  I want to be healthy.  I want to be here.  I want to be able to play with my kid and not be too tired.  And of course, I want to be able to let of the meds for good.

As much as I would like to think that my diet doesn't matter, I know that it does.  Over the years, I've been able to loose weight wihout always having to modify my food choices.  I would change my portions but not necessarily the foods I was eating.  This time around I found that I do need to change up my food.  I need to eat less and also eat more of the right foods.  I eat more fruits and vegetables and so does my family.  It feels good knowing that we are making changes for the better..

In my distress I cried unto the Lord, and he heard me. (Psalm 120:1)

I wait for the Lord, my soul doth wait, and in his word do I hope.  My soul waiteth for the Lord more than they that watch for the morning: I say, more than they that watch for the morning. (Psalm 130: 5-6)

Let every thing that hath breath praise the Lord. Praise ye the Lord. (Psalm 150:6)