Thursday, April 12, 2012

Gotta face reality...can't bury the truth

I weighed in at work on Tuesday and I had lost a 1/2 1b.  I was disappointed and felt like, "Hey, I can do better".  But I realized there was no point in complaining or even feeling less than blessed because I'd made progress despite my weekend of eating sweets.  I actually fell victim to red velvet cake, chocolate chip cookies, and the two bite brownies from last Friday!  I don't know that victims the correct word here, but I feel like one today and I am going to go with that...

It all started Friday night.  We decided to have Family Nite - which means pizza, two bite brownies, soda, chip and dip and at least three movies.  Well, I decided that pizza was not going to happen and we ended up eating sandwiches and chips topped off with the two bite brownies.  Well I only had a few and ended up with a few more Saturday night.  I then baked cookies on Sunday and decided, what could it hurt.  I mean, I really thought that I had made it through without having to acutally accept the reality of my eating foods that I had sworn off.  And yes, 4 weeks ago I decided that I wouldn't eat the cookies, cakes, brownies, etc.  I had been doing great up until this point, so why not take a chance now.  Take a bite, get some chocolate, endulge............WRONG!

I was so happy spending time with family and friends and celebrating Easter that I let go and went all out.  To some people, this may not sound like much, but for me, it's a lot.  I had spent the last three weeks eating salads, baked chicken, yogurt with granola, fruit, drinking water, etc.  I wasn't letting up and finally, I gave an inch and took a mile.  That's mighty cliche of me to say and well, it cost me - I weighed myself Wednesday morning and again today and I had gained 1 1/2 lbs.  All I could do is deny the great weekend I'd had enjoying my favorite foods.  I am praying that it was great because of Jesus and not because of the foods I ate.  Lord, help me.

Even though I've decided to call myself a victim, I am really glad that I learned this lesson early on in this contest and more importantly this journey.  I need to stick to my regime.  If this were 10 or even 5 years ago, the sweets wouldn't have hurt so much. I would have been able to squeak by with the 1/2 lb loss and no gains.  But this is what 38 looks like and I need to face the reality of the situation I am in today.  I need to eat healthy every day.  I need to add additional days to my exercise routine and I need to add time.  I need to go to bed at a decent hour.  I need to accept the fact that if I am going to eat foods that aren't healthy or a better way to put this would be to say foods that don't really help my current sitution, I can expect results that don't make me happy.  

Today a coworker I turn to when I have any question about anything asked if it was that time of the month for me when I said that I had gained weight.  I said no, but as I write this post, I realize that last week was.  I should say thanks because apparaently it took a few days to catch up with me.  On the other hand, I am thinking - Am I really going to use this as a copout?  I think what this really means is that during that time, you may retain a little bit more and that would be a reason for the weight gain.  I want to whine and say it was that time of the month for me and that's what made me do what I did.  I can say that it's not true.  At least not this time.  I typically eat the sweets the week prior to the time of the month for me.  I also eat chocolate or something close to it every day.  I will be sure to pay closer attention next month and maybe just maybe, I'll find that if I stick to my goals it will be okay. 

I cannot bury the truth of the habits I've developed over the years, but I can face reality.  I can definitely turn to my Lord and Savior and just pray.

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