Keeping it all together!

Wow!  This last month has been super busy.  We've had something going on every week and I am doing my best to manage.  Between graduations, recitals, spring concerts, a beautiful wedding, school programs, training classes at work, potluck, and conferences - I am tapped out!  Just a little stressed trying to get it all in..  I want to eat healthy but it's hard when you don't have enough time or in some cases you just don't take the time to accomplish everything required.  I am not giving up, just thinking.  I don't know how to keep this up some days.  I feel like eating something that's good - M&Ms, Pizza, anything milk chocolate...Yum!

About three years ago I decided to eat chocolate often.  Not because I didn't have any other options, but because it's what I wanted.  As time went by, I continued to eat chocolate.  Anytime a life altering event occurred, I wanted chocolate even more.  It had gotten to the point where I reached for my comfort foods - cheese and chocolate every single day.  The year 2011 became the "I'll just eat chocolate no matter what" year replacing one chocolate brand for another.  I am not sure why I was doing this to myself, but figured out the hard way that it wasn't good for me. 

Although my thoughts have changed, I have to ask myself why good food for me is chocolate or cheese.  I just love it!  I can smell it and taste it!  A coworker brought in 5 Guys french fries and a burger last week.  I could smell that thing from across the room!  I mean my nose literally searched every cubicle until I found that cheeseburger!  It's like my sense of smell for foods that I've been avoiding has gone crazy over the last few months!  We made treat sacs filled with chocolate for my kid's teachers and the smell of milk chocolate took me back to the good old days.  Amazing what smell can do for ya!

Chocolate is great in moderation, but for a 5"2 woman, it's NOT an everyday choice!  Because of my weight gain, cholesterol, elevated blood sugar, and not to mention genetics; I realized I wasn't doing a great job taking care of myself at all.  I felt like if I could eat those foods all day long, I would be so -----.  I don't even know what word to use because it really wasn't doing a whole lot for me.  It's like yelling at someone and feeling bad afterwards.  There's no satisfaction as much as you thought there would be when you started...  I will say that was the old me.  Although the thought is there; it's not my style anymore.  As much as I want to indulge I really don't want to indulge.  It is true that once you go through 21 days with or without something you feel strongly about accomplishing or changing, you will make a difference in your life!  I refuse to let food be my reason for living...I will always choose to eat to live!

I need my Lord, my Savior's help!  I've slacked off on my prayers for myself over the last few weeks because through the help of my sisters and brothers in Christ, so much of what I needed had been answered.  I do know I cannot do this alone.  The fact that I am sitting here writing about my experience, holding my self accountable isn't enough.  It's through Him that I am able to succeed in life.  If I could just remember that every second of every day, I could accomplish so much more.  I will lift my eyes to Him and ask for grace and mercy as I go forward.

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say on the Lord. (Psalm 27:14 KJV)

Mama, I love you!

Dear Mama,

You loved me as you carried me in the womb.  I always knew it was you - my head turned when you entered a room.  Your voice was the first I was able to hear so I always knew when you were near.  Your touch so gentle and kind.  Your eyes smile and look just like mine.  As you held me close always there, your heart beat quietly in my ear.  Today and everyday I am happy to call you Mother.  You're the best and like none other...

Just remembering the days gone by, everyday I would ask you why.  A curious child I was, always questions just because.  You held me closely when I felt bad.  Always getting rid of anything sad.  You're truly the heart of a family.  Even when there is no Daddy.  You kept us fed.  You read to us when it was time for bed.  You're grandkids know there's nothing that you can't do, they say "Just call my Nan Nan, she knows what to do".  Today and everyday I am happy to call you Mother.  You're the best and like none other...

You took the time to check my skinned knee.  You understand that I like to sit and just be.  Through the years as I cried,  you stood by my side.  You knew there would be better days to come.  You knew I would get through that one.  There were so many times when I didn't want to try and you said kiss those times good bye.  Focus on what's good and true.   You can only be the best you.  Today and everyday I am happy to call you Mother.  You're the best and like none other...

Although He's given me life and that's everything, you taught me that it's still okay to dream.  As I walked across the stage on that special day, you looked at me with a smile in your own special way.  So proud of my accomplishments looking back wondering where the time went.  Watching the grandkids that you hold seeing that new love feed our souls.  Your kind words are all I ever need.  Gently whispering Jesus is the King of Kings.  Who knew what I could be.  Mama, you always knew I would succeed.  You're the one who knows me and loves me for me.  You know my Father has a journey paved so I should just wait and see.  God has truly blessed me indeed.  God has the best plans for me and a part of those plans is a Mother as true as can be.

Today and everyday I am happy to call you Mother. You're the best and like none other. ~JourneywithJennifer~

Finally - Progress!

Me Today!

Me, March 17!

It's been 8 weeks now and I feel better after seeing some results!  So far I've lost a little over 10 pounds!  I am excited and plan to continue on even after the contest at work is over.  I've also learned a few things about myself over the last few weeks and feel like that will help me through life in general as long as I recognize the signs.

 

1.  I am  and will continue doing a better job with my eating.  I have been pretty successful in keeping healthier foods around versus my go to foods when I am on the run-  fast food restaurants anyone.  I am not saying there aren't any healthy menu options.  I can eat a nice salad at McDonalds.  My issue is when I don't take out the time to stop and I am on the go that I don't make great choices!

2.  I cut back on the amount of food that I eat.  I have had my fav - chick fil a, but not too much.  If I am in a pinch, I eat half the amount of food and save calories and fat!  I fill up quicker and that's something I have to remember when eating any meal.  I have to listen to my body when it says "I've had enough".


3.  On the other hand, I still need to watch my calorie intake.  Some days I don't feel hungry and skip meals because I have a snack that "fills me up".  I need to ensure I eat at least 1200 calories a day to keep this healthy lifestyle going...


4.  Then again, on days when I am on my game, I eat more often.  I snack on dry roasted peanuts most days.  I also have yogurt and fruit.  If I wait until I am really hungry, it's easier to just say oh well and blow it for the day.  As long as I can remember to plan ahead, I can be successful. 


-- My niece got married this weekend.  We had to arrive prior to the ceremony for pictures.  I took my Special K Cereal and Yogurt for snacks.  I also had water.  I didn't feel any urge to eat a cheeseburger or fried chicken!

5. I have great support!  My family, friends, and coworkers are all there when I need them.  I love that we can suppport each other, be happy for each other and be competitive at the same time. 

--Sometimes I forget to ask for help.  I try to do it all myself when I should really just let someone know that I am in need of their help.

6.  I am not drinking enough water.  I don't get enough sleep at night; therefore all I want is to have caffiene throughout the day to keep me going.  I can break this habit!  I started this journey drinking more water than diet sodas.  I have to find my way back to the routine of wanting and drinking more water throughout the day.  I can do this - I've done it before.  Not sure I'm convinced!

7. I am realizing that I shouldn't be so hard on myself.  I definitely saw after my last post that I was starting to get down on myself.  I was up and down on the weight and I also had to stop my exercising!  My knee has been sore for a few weeks and after taking a break, it's much better.  This has been bothering me, but you know I have to claim the victory.  I know there are people praying for me because once I asked for those prayers, I started feeling better immediately. 

God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good.

I am appreciating my friends and family who offer me encouragement everyday!

Everytime I see one of you reach a new milestone, I am encouraged.  Whenever I see you reach out to others, I know that I am blessed.  Each day that you get through a minute or second of grief, my heart melts.  Anytime you walk away from a toxic relationship, I am stronger.  When you show illness who's child you really are, my soul sings.  My spirit absolutely tingles from head to toe!  Whenever you smile - I see Jesus.  I know that I am truly blessed to know you and to be called your family, your friend.  You are fabulous and I try my best to tell you or show you every chance I get because You are all AWESOME and I love you!

                                                                                                                                                                                 ~~JourneywithJennifer~~

New Thoughts versus Old Habits – Part II

I am using myfitnesspal to monitor my food intake during the week, but not on weekends.  I am starting to think journaling on weekends would be helpful too.  I don't know that I am eating enough because for a few days I ate fewer calories than the 1200 allotted to meet my fitness goals.  Oh yes, I guess I forgot that I was only allotted 1200 calories a day!  What a suprise for me because I never thought I would make it on 1200 calories.  I thought I would just melt away....

I didn't melt away...... and I realize now that I was planning things out when I started off.  I would make sure I had enough fruit, yogurt, granola, salad, etc.  I would also plan out days to exercise and stick to my plan.  Now that I am not planning as much, I am eating less.  I am finding that the less I eat, the hungrier I am.  I then end up eating BE&C biscuits because they are cheap and convenient.  Everything is about convenience.

Speaking of convenience, for parents with school age children, the year is starting to wind down.  We now have school programs, church concerts, spring shows, playoffs, tournaments, recitals, etc.  Our schedules are even more hectic than a month ago.  If we're not careful, we can quickly find ourselves in our old patterns of putting our families ahead of ourselves.  This would be in the form of skipping exercise dates, forgetting to eat meals, conveniently going through a fast food restaurant's drive-thru.  That's what I am doing.  I am so concerned with my family's schedule, that I am no longer concerned with myself.  I should be concerned about our diets, not just my own.

Speaking of my own - My Family and Friends are great!  Thanks to everyone for the support you've given over the last 6 weeks.  It has been a journey, one that I am finding is even greater than I expected.  I am learning and that's a gift!  I am looking forward to the next 6 weeks, no matter the challenge or reward.

Love - It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:7-8a)

New Thoughts versus Old Habits – Part I

 When I started my healthy lifestyle journey, I decided that I would find healthier foods that I really like and eat those foods.  I thought that would be easier than having shakes, frozen dinners, any type of bar - cereal, granola, special k - WHATEVER.  I have successfully lost weight over the years eating shakes, bars, and frozen dinners.  The problem, and there is a problem, is I would gain it back because I wasn't happy eating those foods.  I would return to my comfort foods and over indulge on a weekly basis.  To jump start my journey, I entered a weight loss competition at work.... We weigh in every Tuesday morning and this week was a kicker.....  Drum roll please - I ended up GAINING 2 1/2 lbs.  To say I was disappointed, is like saying taking a band aid off quickly really doesn't hurt..... It does!  It seemed like I had gotten away with having a small bite of this or that, which turned into several bites over several days, when in reality, I didn't get away with anything at all.   I was on my way, and a few small slips cost more than I want to admit.  It's so true - old habits are hard to break.   I started with the two-bite brownies, and then moved on to the chocolate chip cookies.  Cyndee had to talk me down from a chocolate chip dip she brought in to work on Thursday, but no one could talk me down when it came to chocolate chip pound cake.  It was the best cake!  I cannot stop talking about how much I enjoyed that slice of cake.  I don't know if it's because I am truly obsessed with chocolate or that it's been a while since I really and truly enjoyed chocolate!  I would say it's both if I had to choose.  I can see the pattern returning...It's slow, but it's there.  

On Friday, I had salad for lunch.  One of my new favs - Baby Spinach in a Spring Mix, Hillshire Farms Cracked Black Pepper Turkey Breast, and a touch of Naturally Fresh's Classic Ranch salad dressing.  It was delicious and filling, but after finishing my lunch, I felt like I had to have something sweet.  Someone can relate to that feeling of sweet after salt or even sweet with the salt.  Chocolate chip cookies, Doritos, with a coke anyone, anyone???  I was craving Famous Amos Chocolate Chip Cookies!  I was hurt and frustrated.  I had gotten past this point or I thought I had.  I would eat fruit or yogurt with my lunch or dinner and wouldn't have cravings.  Once I recognized the craving and the possible result of my giving in to my craving, and more importantly, returning to my old patterns, I ended up with peanuts.  

I recognize the pattern and I truly want to change!  Today I am reminded of Romans 12:2 - Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - His good, pleasing and perfect will.

Gotta face reality...can't bury the truth

I weighed in at work on Tuesday and I had lost a 1/2 1b.  I was disappointed and felt like, "Hey, I can do better".  But I realized there was no point in complaining or even feeling less than blessed because I'd made progress despite my weekend of eating sweets.  I actually fell victim to red velvet cake, chocolate chip cookies, and the two bite brownies from last Friday!  I don't know that victims the correct word here, but I feel like one today and I am going to go with that...


It all started Friday night.  We decided to have Family Nite - which means pizza, two bite brownies, soda, chip and dip and at least three movies.  Well, I decided that pizza was not going to happen and we ended up eating sandwiches and chips topped off with the two bite brownies.  Well I only had a few and ended up with a few more Saturday night.  I then baked cookies on Sunday and decided, what could it hurt.  I mean, I really thought that I had made it through without having to acutally accept the reality of my eating foods that I had sworn off.  And yes, 4 weeks ago I decided that I wouldn't eat the cookies, cakes, brownies, etc.  I had been doing great up until this point, so why not take a chance now.  Take a bite, get some chocolate, endulge............WRONG!


I was so happy spending time with family and friends and celebrating Easter that I let go and went all out.  To some people, this may not sound like much, but for me, it's a lot.  I had spent the last three weeks eating salads, baked chicken, yogurt with granola, fruit, drinking water, etc.  I wasn't letting up and finally, I gave an inch and took a mile.  That's mighty cliche of me to say and well, it cost me - I weighed myself Wednesday morning and again today and I had gained 1 1/2 lbs.  All I could do is deny the great weekend I'd had enjoying my favorite foods.  I am praying that it was great because of Jesus and not because of the foods I ate.  Lord, help me.


Even though I've decided to call myself a victim, I am really glad that I learned this lesson early on in this contest and more importantly this journey.  I need to stick to my regime.  If this were 10 or even 5 years ago, the sweets wouldn't have hurt so much. I would have been able to squeak by with the 1/2 lb loss and no gains.  But this is what 38 looks like and I need to face the reality of the situation I am in today.  I need to eat healthy every day.  I need to add additional days to my exercise routine and I need to add time.  I need to go to bed at a decent hour.  I need to accept the fact that if I am going to eat foods that aren't healthy or a better way to put this would be to say foods that don't really help my current sitution, I can expect results that don't make me happy.  


Today a coworker I turn to when I have any question about anything asked if it was that time of the month for me when I said that I had gained weight.  I said no, but as I write this post, I realize that last week was.  I should say thanks because apparaently it took a few days to catch up with me.  On the other hand, I am thinking - Am I really going to use this as a copout?  I think what this really means is that during that time, you may retain a little bit more and that would be a reason for the weight gain.  I want to whine and say it was that time of the month for me and that's what made me do what I did.  I can say that it's not true.  At least not this time.  I typically eat the sweets the week prior to the time of the month for me.  I also eat chocolate or something close to it every day.  I will be sure to pay closer attention next month and maybe just maybe, I'll find that if I stick to my goals it will be okay. 


I cannot bury the truth of the habits I've developed over the years, but I can face reality.  I can definitely turn to my Lord and Savior and just pray.